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A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.He asked, “What are all those clocks?”St. Peter replied, “Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move.”“Oh,” said the man as he pointed at one of them, “Whose clock is that?”St. Peter replied, “That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”“That’s incredible,” said the man.St. Peter pointed to another clock, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life.”The man was impressed, and then asked, “Where’s Donald Trump’s clock?”St. Peter said, “His clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”The kid. It could be worse, and you?ve not required us to fuck anyone, so I think you?ve been very generous. I want to earn my freedom, learn my lesson and finish what I agreed too. I might as well do the best I can, Sir.? ?You?ve already earned enough letters at the pool party to turn into extra stars, and I appreciate you trying, slut.? Bill smiled his compliment. Wendy was surprised he hadn?t said it sarcastically. ?Do you think your asshole is too good for the likes of Van Pewterschmidt?? He added his question. ?No Sir, he can look at it or play with it if you let him. The only one who can fuck it is you, because we?ve agreed that was the rule, Sir.? ?If that wasn?t the rule?? Bill asked while watching his daughter ?nom nom nom? on her mother?s sticky crack. ?Are you wanting to renegotiate the rules now, Sir?? Wendy said submissively but with just a trace of a passive aggressive reminder that this may not be the time to discuss it. Bill decided to ignore the hint and pretend he didn?t get.
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